Rambling Josh

It seems as though everytime I talk to my mom a new diet is sweeping through the area. Some are interesting, some are strange, some could work, most don’t. Fad diets, as their name implies, come and go so fast it’ll make your head spin and your stomach turn, literally.

Think back to all things that have whipped through your life on the fad train…..hmmmm let’s see, leg warmers, tight rolled jeans, mullets for the men, high bangs for the women, and that’s just from the 80’s. No generation is without fads. What do you do when you think back to those fads? That’s right, you smile as a mental image of yourself looking dapper cruising in your El Camino, mullet flowing in the breeze, your girlfriends high hair catching bugs, pigeons, Winnebago’s, and whatever else has the misfortune of entering the dreaded “Aqua Net Zone.” As you shake your head to clear it of the madness, it all just seems, well a little strange now, and you wonder just what you were thinking. Sorry I got sidetracked there in my stroll down memory lane. Anyway my point is this, get a good hair cut, and don’t flounder around in the fad diet world looking for the quick fix to get you back into your tight rolled acid washed jeans.

There is no such thing as a quick fix, and if it is a quick fix the results brought on by it will disappear faster than a box of twinkies in a bomb shelter (I don’t know). For a diet to be successful it has to stop being a ‘diet’ and become your lifestyle. You have to find out what is good for you, and of those choices, which do you like to eat. Your body needs certain nutrients and certain amounts of those nutrients to function correctly. If the needs of your body aren’t being met there will be consequences. Consequences such as slowed brain function, fatigue, and decreased metabolism, to name a few. Yes, decreased metabolism. If your diet involves extreme calorie reduction, which is anything below 1500 calories a day, your body will compensate by slowing your metabolism.

Our bodies are smart, and it sometimes wishes that the lump above our shoulders would quit teetering around under that mullet and think about what it’s doing to the body that’s carting it around. When your calories are restricted your body hoards what it has, which is good in times of famine, but we are far from those times. The metabolism slows, and then you fall off the fad diet wagon landing in a tub of BoomChocoLatta Ice Cream. Now your calorie intake increases, but guess what, your metabolism is still turned down lower than Burt Bacharach at a Metalica festival. All of this adds up to weight gain, loud music, bad hair, and the search for another diet. Not necessarily in that order. When it comes to your clothes and hair feel free to follow a fad, the kids always need costumes for homecoming, but when it comes to your diet and health choose wisely.

The holiday season, by the way, is no time to start a diet, no matter what the turkeys say. Never trust a turkey…even if you voted for them. If I don’t see you next week, have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Hello there, hope all is well in your world. Since this is my first column in the Burke County Tribune introductions are in order.

First off I reside in Rapid City, S.D., with my wife Dawn, and our two children, Sierra and Jackson. I have been an instructor in the Athletic Training Education Program at National American University for the past four years, and my wife works as a physical therapy tech. We have lived in Rapid City for about five years now, and really enjoy all that the Black Hills has to offer. There is one problem though; it’s just too far away from my hometown of Lignite.

My parents, Donavon and Joann, are the D and the J of DJ’s Food Center in Lignite. Mom is also a professional photographer. Yes mom, a professional, and Dad has taken lawn care to a whole new level. Have you ever had grass taunt you when you’re mowing it?

My grandparents, who just happen to be my parents' parents, strange how that works out isn’t it, are Helen Ellis and Rose and Ardell Chrest. I feel very fortunate to be a part of such a wonderful family. They are good people, and it will pain me to expose all the dirt on them, but as a columnist I have a job to do. I also feel very fortunate to have grown up in “Up-State” North Dakota, as my mom sometimes refers to it. I may live in Rapid City but my heart prefers to hang out in Burke County with people who know what a slushburger is. Don’t get all misty eyed on me now.

I contacted the tribune after reading that Jodi Benge was retiring her column “Just Jodi” and asked if they would consider letting me give it a go. After an extensive background check they still decided to give me a shot. Thank you. I enjoy writing, and my dad always told me I should make a career out of it. I’m not quitting my job just yet, and if you find that you would rather clean your geese on this column than read it, well you can blame my dad. It’s always the parents' fault, isn’t it?

What can you expect to read about in this column? Good question. It could be about anything, anything except car repair and farm machinery. Those are subjects I know nothing about. Grandpa Ardell tried to teach me to cultivate once, only once. The fence line didn’t stop me, but the broken hitch did. Mechanic work is another thing I really don’t have any business attempting. My brother, Jarvis and Uncle Kevin can attest to that. I’m in charge of holding the trouble light, which gives me time to work on my shadow puppets. I’ll show you my President Reagan shadow some-day. Stunning, it really is.

Anyway, enough rambling. I’m looking forward to hanging out with you every other week. Bye now.

See original printed version of Shadow Puppets.