Halloween is here and gone, nothing left but candy wrappers, belly aches, and costume rash. Hope yours was a good one.

Did your windows get waxed or were you the waxer? Did your garbage cans and picnic table turn into a roadblock or were you the blocker? Did you get any rotten produce, or eggs hurled your way or were you the hurler? Either way it’s all part of the experience and I would be sadly disappointed if none of the above happened in Halloween friendly Burke County. Anyone who doesn’t take advantage of a day that is specifically designated for petty vandalism is going to have problems later in life.

Problems with what I don’t really know, but I’m sure there would have to be some ill effects. Nobody I ever associated with abstained from enjoying the full extent of the trick in trick or treat. So, I can’t rightly say what happens to the poor souls that merrily go about getting sugary treats in their special little outfits.

Parents, here’s a little tip. When junior heads out the door for Halloween dressed like Rambo, complete with face paint, the dangers of sugar ruining his teeth should be the least of your worries. The only candy he’s going to get is when he snags a tootsie roll from Spongebob just before he pushes him into the hedges.

Another thing you’ll notice is his bag will be full when he leaves the house and empty when he gets back, or when you go pick him up at the police station. Which if that’s the case he obviously didn’t have enough training and should dig his Buzz Light Year costume out again until he’s ready for the rigors of rambling.

In all my years in the Halloween business I never once saw a cutesy little costume kid commit trickery. For one thing it would be impossible to be sneaky or run away in a half-frozen plastic costume with ill-fitting eye holes. It would be interesting, and somewhat disturbing, to come out and find Dora The Explorer and Bob The Builder dragging your picnic table out into the road.

Maybe it’s because you take on the mindset of the costume you are wearing. I know when I dress like a woman I, well, that’s not a good example. You ever tried running in stiletto heels and a heavily padded brassier? Heels aren’t designed for speed, so you better have a quick sashay.

You ever sashay? Okay everyone up, let’s sashay a little, come on, don’t be shy. All right, all right, knock it off, someone’s going to get hurt.

As for my family, Sierra dressed as “The Scream,” Jackson was a Ninja and me, well I chose a timeless classic, “Mullet Man.” My wife is still successfully masquerading around as a college student and wondering how she ever got mixed up with Mullet Man. I think it was the sashay that reeled her in, no woman can resist a manly sashay.

So, if you didn’t get chased, yelled at, or threatened this year, there’s always next year. Until then may the egg break “after” you throw it and the spirit of Halloween be with you always.