Settling into a new home is a process of taking what was once someone else’s and making it yours, by undoing and redoing all the work the previous somebody spent a lot of time and effort doing. Most likely the majority of those changes were thought to be permanent by that previous somebody but change has been the order of business for our house the past few weeks.

Changing this and that, painting anything and everything, your basic undo redo projects that have created a “honey do” list longer than my leg…foot and toe nails included. DIY gone wild. Do It Yourself has gotten out of hand or foot if that’s your preference. I’m not talking about our house, of course, no honey, I love, love, love everything you tell…ask me to do.

We spent Thanksgiving with my wife’s side of the family at her sister’s house and they have cable. We do not have cable and a request for it has shown up on the kids’ Christmas list every year. Going to a house that has cable reminds me of why I’m glad we don’t. There apparently are very few television shows nowadays with made-up characters living made-up lives.

Television is no longer an escape to Fantasy Island, with a Charlie’s Angel on each knee and the third fetching you an egg nog. It’s watching real people do real home improvement projects. As you air your complaints about the programming, you are shushed by your wife who is poised with a note pad making a list of things that will significantly subtract from your hiking, biking, and general doing nothing time.

There never used to be “Home Improvement” stores. There were hardware stores and lumber yards where men would go to visit, scratch, spit, swear, fart and buy 2x4’s and sacks of nails. You couldn’t buy lilac scented bath oil, fuzzy slippers, or anything else of that nature and if you asked you would be beaten with your new 2x4 and given a few whacks with your sack of nails. About the only items other than lumber and hardware you might find, would be a bottle of Coke and for a quarter and a few cranks a handful of stale cashews.

Those people on those home improvement shows do nice work but then they are people in the plural, and I am I in the singular. Many hands make light work and more interesting television I guess than one inept guy and one house. To be fair, my wife is an active member of our home improvement cast and can usually be found at the helm of a paintbrush.

I admit there is great satisfaction in successfully completing a DIY project. There’s also something to be said for being sent off to Disneyland while a group of professionals with nice hair and bubbly personalities whisk in and undo and redo your entire house in less time and with less profanity than it would have taken you to hang a curtain rod somewhat straight.

So, if you’re in the neighborhood swing on in and sit for a spell. We can visit, scratch, spit, swear, and fart as long as you can do it with a paintbrush in your hand.