Apparently, Santa decided this was the year he would settle up for all the years he turned a blind eye and gave me the benefit of the doubt in situations where I behaved closer to naughty than nice.  In my defense, most of the questionable behavior occurred while I was misbehaving, well within my rights, in the capacity of an older brother.

            So this Christmas Eve, despite visions of sugar plums dancing in my head, Santa gave me heaping helping of the flu.  My wife, an innocent bystander deemed guilty by association, also got a Christmas sprinkling of influenza.  You might want to put a mask on while you read this and take a bleach shower when you’re done to protect yourself from any wayward influenza flak.

The flu wasn’t even useful in getting me out of work as we are spending Christmas vacation in Houston with Dawn’s sister’s family.  Christmas vacation down south, a whole week away from snow, away from cold, and for three days I lay in bed quivering like a sparrow in a dilapidated barn on an abandoned North Dakota farmstead.  Thank you Santa.

It’s been awhile since I’ve had the flu and I hope it’s a long, long while before it visits me again.  The flu shots always a crap shoot and I lost the crap shoot this time around.  Better luck next year I guess.

I guess it’s one way to keep from gaining that holiday weight that tends to hang on and haunt people throughout the year, and the next, and the next…I’m surprised there’s not an infomercial selling the flu as a weight loss method.  You send them your money they send a verified flu transport technician to sneeze on the door handle of your fridge or for an extra $39.95 you can get yourself a long wet kiss…while supplies last…a great stocking stuffer.

You take for granted how good it feels to feel good until you don’t feel so good.  In a just a few days you forget what it was like to perform easy tasks easily.  Brushing your teeth and putting on socks suddenly takes an effort that seems equal or in excess of giving piggy back rides up Mt Everest.  So many teeth and only one tooth brush…oh the humanity of it all.

On a positive note, I guess ending 2013 in such grand fashion doesn’t leave many directions but up for the beginning of 2014.  So with an eye towards the New Year I’ll take the nasty influenza riddled hand I was dealt for Christmas and play it out until everyone’s sympathy has been sufficiently depleted.

I wish you all an eventful and enjoyable New Year filled with more than your fair share of good times and laughter.  The flu might be infectious but so is laughter…spread it liberally.