Another semester in the books. They seem to gather speed as the years go by. I enjoy attending commencement and witnessing the conclusion of one chapter and the beginning of another. I find it meaningful to see the students, their friends, family, and loved ones coming together one final time before scattering in the wind to attend to life.

One of my colleagues has been in charge of “guest relations” during the commencement ceremony for many years. Answering questions, pointing people in the right direction, addressing concerns, fielding complaints…trying to keep little fires contained at the source before any blissful bystanders get singed. As is the case with anyone who has been in such a role, he has a lot of good stories.

Several years ago, he had two very angry parents confront him about 30 minutes before the graduation ceremony was to begin. They were waving the graduation program in his face and demanding to know why their son’s name was not listed among the graduates. As he tried to explain the possible reasons for the omission, they raged on, stating that, “We traveled from Phoenix, Arizona to Chadron, Nebraska to watch our son graduate, and for the college to do such a thing is completely unacceptable.”

He learned later that when the parents and their son arrived at the graduation venue, the parents went to find their seat while their son, dressed in his graduation hat and gown, went to line up with his fellow graduates. Only he didn’t go line up with his fellow graduates, he promptly exited the building and hustled back to his apartment, because he wasn’t graduating. News he obviously hadn’t shared with his parents. The lid was about to come off of his can of worms, but for now, he’d managed to kick it down the road about 30 minutes further.

A few years prior to this incident, my colleague had a similar charge of “this is completely unacceptable” barked at him from the parents of another unlisted “graduate”. This young man had dropped out of college three weeks into his first semester but impressively managed to kick his can down the road for four more years before the lid came off. Four years of phone calls from mom and dad, four years of coming home for “college breaks”…four years and he just couldn’t find the right time to break it to them.

I asked my colleague if any of these irate parents ever apologize after they discover the truth of the matter and he said, “No. No, they never apologize.” So it goes.

Speaking of kicking the can, I recently replaced two toilets in our house. It’s always interesting to me the worlds we are oblivious to until a DIY project pushes us through the curtain and we find ourselves comparing toilet performance standards such as “gallons per flush” and “waste removal strength”.

We settled on the American Standard Titan. Other than the slow close lid, it’s most intriguing selling point is, “This high-performance toilet can flush a bucket of golf balls in a single flush.” Good to know that if I ever accidently swallow a bucket of golf balls or a loaf of fruitcake the American Standard Titan will have my back.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours. May the peace and serenity of a slow close lid descend upon and secure any cans you’ve been kicking down the road of life. There’s always next year to deal with that crap.