I’d been dreading this day for five years…dreading the day I would have to return to that drab, square, two-tone building. Both tones of gray…tones whose sounds sing the same song of misery, anguish, and flittered-away time as the cement it sits upon. Not a tree, not a bush, not even a weed has seen fit to grace a crack with a bit of color, a bit of life, a bit of hope.

Across this bereft bleakness I shuffle, perturbed and sullen, clutching two documents that I hope will serve to appease the powers that be and provide adequate proof of my physical and lawful existence upon the soil of South Dakota.

It’s not often in life that you have the opportunity to schedule your fate, but the Department of Motor Vehicles has promised that their new scheduling system will expedite the driver’s license renewal experience, so I breathed the sigh of someone expecting to be disappointed and scheduled my fate for 9:00 AM on July 14th.

Deeply suspicious that “expedite” and the DMV could ever coexist within the same cosmic realm, I refused to leave Perturbed and Sullen waiting in the car. I knew I would need them. You always need them at the DMV.

Perturbed, Sullen, and I went to an available Lord of Licensing to let them know that I was present for my 9:00 AM appointment with fate. The nice young man asked, “Have you filled out the application?” Perturbed said, “No,” and the nice young man said, “Fill out the application and bring it to me and we’ll get you on the list to meet with an agent (aka Lord of Licensing).” “Here we go,” Sullen bemoaned, “same ole same ole at the Soul Suckatorium.”

As Perturbed, Sullen, and I were filling out the application in alternating fits of terse, curse, and cursive…I heard the nice young man explain to some poor fellow that, since he didn’t have an appointment, it would be about a three-hour wait. The poor fellow’s name was Gary, and by the looks of Gary, I wasn’t sure he had three hours, but he opted to tempt fate and wait. So it goes.

I did as told and returned my application to the nice young man, who said, “Listen for your name and the counter number of the agent who will be assisting you.” I settled in among the tired, the “huddled masses yearning to breathe free,” and, resigning to my fate of wait, began to read the book I had brought along for company.

Began to read…and then, nary a handful of words in, I heard a name that sounded like the name my parents bestowed upon me one July morning many moons ago. Could it be? Could I be a part of an expedited experience at the DMV?

Have you ever waltzed into a room full of people and received the expedited version of an experience, the exact experience that has been impeding upon that room full of people’s ability to experience their life, their liberty, and their pursuit of happiness? I could feel their disdainful gazes casting hexes and ill-wishes upon me as I stood in front of the green screen to get my picture taken for my shiny new driver’s license.

A photo that revealed a forehead still glistening with sweat from the sun of the outside world while, just to the left, within chair-tossing distance, sat Gary and the others, cooled by the time that had passed…miffed by the interminability of it all. Perturbed and Sullen headed for the car.

I dared not smile.